


it's never worth the price you pay

by TVBS



Series: monsters [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Weird Shit, compromised minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 19:05:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3458441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan used to keep him upright.</p>
<p>Meg used to make him whole.</p>
<p>Michael used to make him smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And now Gavin wakes up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's never worth the price you pay

At times, he missed England. Life hadn't been the worst here, and there were still people he looked forward to seeing whenever he came back. His parents, for instance. And of course, the reason why he was back this time, Dan. There were few times Dan could make it to Texas to visit him and Meg, and he rather missed seeing him after a while. As Gavin nudged the Phantom down a few centimeters, the thoughts buffered in the back of his brain, loud and overwhelming. Though he loved Texas and those he had there, he _missed_ Dan.

"Okay, that should do it." Gavin straightened up, pushing his thoughts to the side. It wasn't the time to think about that. He was here now, and he would be here until he got sick of Dan and went back to America. That was always how it went. Absently rubbing his forehead, Gavin checked through the viewfinder one last time, just making sure everything was perfect. Black spots drifted across his vision as he did, creeping across alarmingly

"Got a headache, B?" Light fingers stroked along the nape of his neck, familiar and relaxing. They soothed his head as Gavin closed his eyes, enjoying the touch. It always felt so good when Dan did this. So energizing. But they did have a job to do. Gavin straightened back up, feeling Dan's hand fall away as he opened his eyes, starting a little as he realized how close he had gotten. When had he...?

No, never mind. Gavin just smiled at him. "No, it's nothing. Let's get this thing started, yeah?"

Something snapped back into Dan's face, something that made Gavin's heart grow cold for a moment. "Yeah," he echoed, stepping away. "Let's start shooting."

* * *

Meg had to get up to exercise, but she looked so beautiful like that. Her hair fanned out across the pillow, so vibrantly red against his tanned skin as he played with the strands. How had he gotten so lucky? A risky chance, asking her for a walk, turned into something so grand. Gavin leaned over, giving her cheek a little kiss. She murmured sleepily as she shifted, eyes darting under her lids. Seemed like she was waking up on her own. Gavin kissed her cheek again, smiling as she made another, more annoyed noise. Another kiss, and her eyes opened, still glazed with sleep. "Gav, what-"

With a chuckle, he leaned in, lips finally meeting hers. His fingers tangled in that beautiful hair as he tilted his head, feeling her hand drift up and stroke by his ear. Nails scraped along the side of his neck briefly as she grinned into the kiss, sounding more awake with each passing moment. "Good morning," he finally said against her lips, pulling back ever so slightly.

"Good morning." Meg yawned, twisting slightly to squint at the time. "Ugh, it's time for my run, isn't it."

"Or..." A wicked gleam came to his eye as Gavin nipped at her neck, making her gasp.

A small laugh escaped her lips as she smacked him. "I won't be distracted today. Get off me and go make breakfast."

That made him pout, but he did as the lady demanded. He wanted to stay in bed with her, but she was right. She needed to run. But what if they could just have one moment? The thought crossed his mind as he yawned, black dots spreading from the edge of his vision in as he did so. Meg's hand slowly dropped from his neck as he sat up, the limb suddenly lax. Gavin shot her a look, about ready to tease her about falling back asleep when he saw the blank, empty expression on her face. Breath caught in his throat, hoping that she was caught in some thoughts as he looked down at her. "Meg?" he finally said, his soft voice cracking loudly through the silence.

Life sparked through her features as she yawned. "What?"

She had to have just been thinking about something. "Nothing."

* * *

It hurt, sometimes, to be away from Michael so long. He was so used to their antics, so used to hearing the other man shout at him and having that giggling glee run through him, that his ears ached with the silence. Gavin wound a finger through the hair at the nape of his neck absently, tugging as he rested his head against the hand and placed his elbow on the drink tray. It would be rather nice to be back at the office, recording again and making everyone scream at him. He was tired of flying around everywhere for the time being.

Dark sparks danced in front of his eyes as he blinked. No, he must be tired, period. He could almost hear his bed calling for him, the sheets and warmth and familiar scent of him and Meg... Gavin's hand dropped onto the tray as he smiled at the thought. And then he would be back at the office the next day, back where he could see Michael smile at him again in that way Michael did.

He could use a bev, though. Something to help unwind him. It had been such a long shoot, and he could use something. Gavin turned and tilted his head around his seat, looking for the flight attendants. Where was one when you needed them? He settled back into his seat with a slight pout, rubbing his forehead. The way darkness spread across his vision like that... it was happening more and more. It worried him, especially when he was out like this. When he was home, he could whine at Meg until she came over and rubbed his neck. Not like this. Not when the best he could do was close his eyes, head lowered onto his pillowed arms.

The hum of the plane's engine started to lull him into a doze. It didn't help the feeling he had, but at least he would be unconscious for a while. He wanted to take out his phone and go through his gallery, but he could barely even focus on that thought at the moment. No, just... sit here. Like this.

A touch to the back of his neck made him start upright. At first, he thought he imagined it, how light it had been. But the retreating flight attendant spoke differently, as did the small bottle sitting on his tray, next to where his head had been. Gavin swallowed hard, looking back up the aisle for answers to a growing dread.

* * *

Showtime. Gavin grinned as he made his way through the Achievement Hunter office. He _needed_ this, to see everyone. He hadn't had a good prank in at least a week, after all. Ray's voice filtered through the air, fueling his excitement. X-Ray and Vav, together again. And all the terrible things that would come from that, of course. It wouldn't be X-Ray and Vav without a bunch of terrible things.

”You have to admit it’d be cool.” And it sounded like Ray already had an idea and was telling it to someone. Gavin turned to make his way into the room, and stopped at the scene.

The center of it was Michael, leaning over to stand. His face held tight lines of pain, lines Gavin wanted to smooth away. He wanted to reach out and stroke Michael's face until that youthful grin came back, until he was laughing a hello at him and telling him about all the work there was. For a moment, his hand stretched to do just that before he saw Ray, standing beside him with fingers doing just what he had thought about. Michael's head snapped over to look at Ray, the air tense between them, choking Gavin. What was going on? Why had Ray...?

”What’s going on here? Michael, have I been replaced already?” The words tumbled from his lips before he knew it, too easily, breaking the scene before him. Gavin's limbs moved forward numbly as his mind tried to work, pulling himself up on Michael's desk. "I missed you, Michael."

Michael just gave him an irritated, incredulous glare. ”The hell are you doing back already?” he asked in a pain-roughened voice. Gavin's fingers twitched in need to soothe that pain, to help him. But-

“Did you forget? I flew back yesterday. I thought you would have remembered. We were going to go out for bevs after I got back, yeah?” This must be worse than he thought. Gavin leaned forward, worried. His Michael could be sick, and too stubborn to leave like he should. “Are you feeling okay?”

”I’m just sunshine and daisies what the hell do you think?” Gavin started slightly at the vicious snarl, not expecting that. It was worse than he thought. No, right now would be the worst time to be a little shit. He wouldn't get the right kind of responses. Michael needed to go home with his wife, to lay down, to-

Both of them froze as Ray stepped up beside Michael again, his fingers against his neck. They danced down his spine, then back up soothingly as the other man looked at Michael, his face blank. Gavin couldn't look away, couldn't- no, this was too much a coincidence- he had wanted to do just that, and now Ray was doing it- No. Gavin pushed himself off Michael's desk, babbling something. Hopefully coherent. Hopefully about Geoff like he thought it was.

It was just a coincidence.

* * *

"Meg?"

"Hm?" came her distracted voice. Gavin didn't look over to where she was, knowing she'd be engaged with something on her computer. He had waited for that, making sure she wouldn't want to do this. "What is it, Gavin?"

It was just a coincidence, he told himself. "Can you come here?"

He could hear her pause, and for that moment his veins iced over. She wouldn't. Not with- "I'm really busy, Gav. What is it?"

The relief he felt almost was a drug. "Just need you over here, Turney. Come over here." He really, really wanted her here. If it worked that way.

"In a bit." Meg's voice went back to being distracted. "Just need to finish this up first."

Gavin relaxed, trying not to sigh. It was a coincidence. Ray had just... wanted to do that when Gavin wanted to at the same time. Just like all the other coincidences that were happening recently. That was all.

* * *

Dan.

Dan was kissing him.

And all because Gavin had demanded it.

He pushed Dan away, panting. He had seen that distant look in his eyes as blackness crawled into his vision, the blank one that he had once, the one Meg had wore, the one Ray had when touching Michael, and the words slipped out before he could stop them. Gavin looked at Dan, silently begging for life to spark back behind his eyes. For Dan to be there again.

For this never to have happened.

* * *

Meg just looked at him, shocked. "I don't understand." She raked her eyes over him, over the bottle in his hand. "Okay, maybe you should sober up first before you say you're... breaking up with me?"

Sobering up was a bad idea. He wouldn't have the courage to do this if he did. And he would remember how he had been a monster, how he had... no. He wasn't going to do this anymore. "I'm not that drunk, Turney. We're breaking up, now." Christ. He couldn't even tell now if that stricken look on her face was because of how she felt, or because of how he wanted her to feel. No, he couldn't do that to her. He had to set her free from him, from this. He had to stop being a monster first before he could be with her. Dan's empty face floated behind his eyes as he took another drink, realizing with a disgruntled noise that was the last gulp. "You have to leave now."

"Gavin, just talk to me!" Meg's eyes flicked between him and the empty bottle. "What the hell is going on?"

He couldn't look at her. "Just go, Turney." He couldn't look at how pain broke her face, how he wanted to just kiss her and make it all better. Gavin pulled himself in closer at the thought. No, he didn't want Meg to kiss him. He wanted her to go. Go away, and be safe.

* * *

Lindsay looked terrible. Michael had a cold a while back, and she had caught it, but that looked even worse than not being able to shake a simple cough. She looked exhausted, run to her limits. Her eyes were sunken, hair flat, skin almost corpse pale. The way she moved... Gavin swallowed as he watched her sit motionless for a few seconds before shaking herself and standing up. She was getting worse and worse as time went on. Gavin turned to go back to the main office, to talk to Michael. He needed to know just how bad she looked. And he could do this without being a monster.

Darkness flickered across his vision, and he paused. No. That was... he took a deep breath, trying to make it recede. It wasn't going to happen. He was okay.

Michael was editing. For a moment, he looked so damn cute, focused like was. So in dire need of someone to kiss him. But he wasn't going to, and Lindsay needed to go home, not snog her husband. "Hey, Michael," he started, Michael turning to look over at him-

Gavin froze as Ray stood up, walked over to Michael, and kissed him without warning. Exactly how he had wanted to do. It was a simple press of lips, but it was what he wanted to do. Gavin took a step back, breath tumbling from his lips. "Oh my God." The two men broke apart, Michael looking surprised suddenly as he turned his head over to Gavin. "Oh my god. God. I- Not again. This is my fault. This is all my fault.” The words spilled from him without him meaning to, but he didn't know if he wanted to stop it. He had been that monster again. He had guessed what that darkness had meant, and he had been right.

He had a chance not to be a monster again and he failed.

* * *

”Do you hate me?”

"For what?”

”Being a monster.”

“You’re not a monster. Where the hell did you get that idea?”

Michael was so wrong. So, so wrong.

“Do you know just how bloody cute you are, Michael? During VS when you’re tense about winning, during a Rage Quit when you’re red hot, when you’re in the middle of a sodding stupid bet... you’re like a battery, holding a charge and ready to release it at any moment.”

”Sounds like you’re coming out to me or something.”

It did, didn't it. Like he was about to confess his undying love. It wouldn't completely be unfitting about now, telling him he loved him before he-

”I’m sorry I made Ray kiss you when that’s what I wanted to do. And I’m sorry for what you’ll have to deal with.”

”Gav? Gavin! Gavin, whatever you’re about to do, don’t, okay?”

He cared too much. He always did.

”I’ve been this monster before. When the blackness came back, I should have known I would- I can’t trust myself to not do this again. I’m just... glad you weren’t the one affected. I’m sorry, Michael.”

”Gavin!” 

He dropped the phone. He needed to protect the ones around him, the ones he loved. To free the ones he had already gotten to. It was a price he would gladly pay.

Gavin pressed the knife to his throat.

* * *

He wasn't supposed to wake up.

* * *

Gavin woke up.

For a moment, he didn't know what had happened. That ceiling wasn't the ceiling to his bedroom. Why was there the sound of machines and people outside? Gavin tried to sit up, stopping when weakness drove him back down. His throat hurt- and that's when he remembered.

Trying to pay the price of his loved one's freedom with his life.

"Damn it," he hissed quietly. He was still here. He was still going to hurt them. Gavin stared up at the ceiling, teeth grit. Why had he woken up? Why was he still alive?

Someone shifted beside him. He turned his head over to see Michael lightly stroking the back of Lindsay's neck, staring at him with unblinking eyes. Lindsay sunk deeper into him, looking worse than before as her husband's eyes glittered with something. Something horrible, predatory, possessive.

Monstrous.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."


End file.
